My Life With Cancer

Washington is a "community property state".  That means that half of her stuff is really mine and half of my stuff is really hers.  We have no problem with that.  In fact, we enjoy it. It was only a few days ago that I realized that the community property law included prostate cancer.  Serious.  It is half hers.  The fear, the misery, the worry, all half hers.  And I had no idea. I should have gotten the clue early.  That first night was miserable, FOR US BOTH.  I woke several times during the night to find Hanna clutching me tightly and sobbing her eyes out.  "A typical reaction to something bad" is what I thought.  "She'll be over it soon."  Yea right.  About as soon as I get over the cancer itself. Years ago, I was the proud owner of two Chocolate Labs.  Very delinquent Chocolate Labs.  Wilbur and Cubie.  I had adopted, or more like saved them.  Wilbur's demise was that he had chewed ...

While conducting my never-ending research into prostate cancer and its never-ending list of cures and treatments, I found a study on prostate cancer and suicide.  My eyes were opened wide.  The study was conducted in South Florida over ten years.  I was astounded that 667 men who had prostate cancer committed suicide just in that part of the world over ten years.  Men diagnosed with prostate cancer have a 400% increase in suicide rates.  Most of those suicides take place within the first six months after being diagnosed, but a large percentage take place within 30 days of the initial meeting with the doctor.  I find that shocking and astounding.  I remember my own walk out of the urologist's office, cancer book (The Book of Death) and biopsy results in hand.  In shock.  In horror.  I remember the medicating, the bingeing, the crying, the wondering how to tell my kids.  Suicide definitely was a topic of thought as well. And now ...

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.”  ―  Theodore Roosevelt I have always been taught that being decisive is a great leadership trait.  I have been decisive pretty much all my life.  Quick decisions.  Decide, and then move on to the next task.  But today I find myself completely INDECISIVE.  I'm not sure what to do with myself. Cancer is a new experience for me.  Cancer is a HUGE deal.  Cancer is LIFE OR DEATH.  The decisions we make now regarding my treatment can SAVE my life, or JEOPARDIZE it!  These decisions are likely some of the most important decisions we will make in my life. And I am PARALYZED!  Paralyzed because there are so many options and so many treatments and so many people who have answers and so many people that THINK they have the answers.  And yet, most don't know. I have resigned to surviving it by taking it one day...

Why does God allow horrible things to happen to good people?  Why in the world did he let me get cancer? This past year as we served our mission in Northern California, a huge and deadly fire broke out just Northeast of our area, and nearly the entire city of Paradise burned to the ground.  Our church had two congregations of people there.  Nearly every single home burned to the ground.  Both church buildings burned to the ground.  Nearly all of their businesses that they worked at, burned to the ground.  And the fire came so quickly with such speed and force that they had very little time to get out.  Many lives were lost. Dozens are still missing.  Why? Didn't the people there pray?  Worship?  Serve?  Read their scriptures? Beg for protection?  Arm themselves with the armor of God?  They did!  And their lives were still...