Humor Kills CANCER!
This morning I have the "cancer nerves." After weeks of getting life back to normal and calming down, except for that funky new plant-based diet, and the cancer books, and the cancer research, that is. I have the nerves because Monday I go to a new Urologist for a second opinion. And to request more tests be done to see just how invasive (or not) the cancer is. I should learn nothing new. And I shouldn't get poked or prodded. But still the nerves abound.
Humor helps. So I compiled a list of funny (mostly) cancer jokes. Enjoy. (Some of these I wrote by my very own self. I get my sense of humor from my dear old dad. Can you tell which ones are mine?)
How many cancer survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, and they don't need to replace the bulb if they've had enough radiation treatment.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get a second opinion.
An elderly man goes in for his checkup. After the examination, the doctor tells him "you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer......."
What's the most expensive haircut in the world? Chemotherapy.
What did the old man with Prostate Cancer watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Seriously. Unfortunately, he never cries.
What does a jug of milk and a guy with Prostate Cancer have in common? An expiration date.
How many chemo treatments does the cancer patient need? Tumor.
Two old baseball buddies with prostate cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, "I hope they have a baseball team in heaven." "Me too", says Jack. "Tell you what", says Paul, "If I die first, I'll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me." A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: "Jack, it's me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven." "Thank God", sighs Jack, "Now I can die in peace." "I'm glad you feel that way," says Paul, "because you're pitching tomorrow!
A man hears from his doctor that he has cancer and only has six months to live. The doctor recommends that he marry an accountant and move to the back woods. The man asks, "Will this cure my cancer?" "No," said the doctor, "but the six months will seem much longer!"
(BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! THAT'S ME!! Hoping for the longest six months ever!!)
Top Ten Ways To Know You Are A Cancer Thriver
1 Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to hear it.
2. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
3. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
4. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says, "all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
5. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
6. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
7. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
8. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your cholesterol and you actually listen.
9. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
10. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass.
Humor helps. So I compiled a list of funny (mostly) cancer jokes. Enjoy. (Some of these I wrote by my very own self. I get my sense of humor from my dear old dad. Can you tell which ones are mine?)
How many cancer survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, and they don't need to replace the bulb if they've had enough radiation treatment.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get a second opinion.
An elderly man goes in for his checkup. After the examination, the doctor tells him "you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer......."
What's the most expensive haircut in the world? Chemotherapy.
What did the old man with Prostate Cancer watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Seriously. Unfortunately, he never cries.
What does a jug of milk and a guy with Prostate Cancer have in common? An expiration date.
How many chemo treatments does the cancer patient need? Tumor.
Two old baseball buddies with prostate cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, "I hope they have a baseball team in heaven." "Me too", says Jack. "Tell you what", says Paul, "If I die first, I'll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me." A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: "Jack, it's me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven." "Thank God", sighs Jack, "Now I can die in peace." "I'm glad you feel that way," says Paul, "because you're pitching tomorrow!
A man hears from his doctor that he has cancer and only has six months to live. The doctor recommends that he marry an accountant and move to the back woods. The man asks, "Will this cure my cancer?" "No," said the doctor, "but the six months will seem much longer!"
(BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! THAT'S ME!! Hoping for the longest six months ever!!)
Top Ten Ways To Know You Are A Cancer Thriver
1 Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to hear it.
2. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
3. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
4. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says, "all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
5. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
6. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
7. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
8. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your cholesterol and you actually listen.
9. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
10. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass.
You know, while getting my biopsy, I actually asked the nurse to show me the prostate biopsy samples and she pulled them out and showed them to me. So I relate..............
There, I feel much much better now!
Thank you for reading my blog, laughing with me, and cheering me on! I love you guys!
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