DEATH TO CANCER PART III - The Diet
Happy Halloween!!!
I wish you the happiest of Halloweens and the happiest of tummies. No doubt you are devouring candies full of sugar, caramel, chocolate and other delicacies RIGHT NOW this very minute.
Enjoy.
HERE IS MY FREAKIN DIET TODAY!!!
If you look closely, you'll see that today's HEALTHY menu includes these four items:
CLEAR Strawberry Flavored Protein Drink.
CLEAR Beef and Chicken Broth.
CLEAR Yellow Jello. mmmmm Lemon Jello!
And tasty CLEAR medicine to be discussed later.
DOCTOR'S ORDERS!! I'm on a clear liquid diet in preparation for tomorrow's cancer-killing surgery. I did this gig last June when I had my Targeted Biopsy and about starved to death.
CLEAR = no calories apparently. Unless you want to drink sugar. Sugar will add calories. In June, I drank a bunch of Gatorade to try to squelch the hunger pains. It really didn't work that much. And the nurses were shocked at the spike in my pre-op blood test's glucose levels.
So this time, NO SUGAR. Yes, on Halloween even.
A bit of research found that the clear food (I use the word "food" very loosely) with the highest caloric content per ounce was the yummy Strawberry CLEAR Protein Drink at 90 calories per 16.9 ounce bottle. So I bought a bunch of it. I don't want to starve.
If I were to drink everything in this picture, I would consume just over 2000 calories, a normal day. But to do so, I would have to drink 468 ounces of CLEAR liquid. Folks, I did the math. That is 3.65625 gallons. I can not do that even in my wildest of starvation fits.
Plus, none of that stuff is healthy enough for my stomach to keep that much down. It is already complaining.
So today, I starve. And tomorrow I kill cancer.
BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL! I scanned in close so you could see these cool babies, a MANDATORY part of my diet.
Yes!! Magnesium Citrate! And bonus! It's Pleasing Lemony Flavor and Pleasing Cherry Flavor are just like the Lemon Jello and Strawberry CLEAR protein drink! YUM!
"Magnesium Citrate?" you ask. "It sounds like a chemical..."
Indeed it is. A medical concoction (OK, chemical) that will make you poop. A lot. It is intended to clean out your bowels real good. You know, the doctor wants very CLEAR pictures of my prostate taken via "real-time" ultrasounds from my bowels. No little anythings in the way, if you get my drift.
So, while the cute neighbor kids come to our door begging for sugar, I'll be on the throne Keeping My Bowels Open (all decent Scouters will know why I capitalized those four words). For hours.
So here's CHEERS to a couple of Magnesium Citrates and CLEAR bowels!
No worries. The day I was diagnosed, we tried to eat ourselves to death via Fried Chicken, Mac n Cheese, and Cold Stone Ice Cream. Tomorrow I have my order in for the same gig. Fried Chicken. Lots of it. Mac n Cheese. mmmmm. And Ice Cream. Plus left over candy.
We will be celebrating the DEATH OF CANCER!!!
And besides, I'll have a ton of calories to catch up on, plus my bowels will need something to do.
I wish you the happiest of Halloweens and the happiest of tummies. No doubt you are devouring candies full of sugar, caramel, chocolate and other delicacies RIGHT NOW this very minute.
Enjoy.
HERE IS MY FREAKIN DIET TODAY!!!
If you look closely, you'll see that today's HEALTHY menu includes these four items:
CLEAR Strawberry Flavored Protein Drink.
CLEAR Beef and Chicken Broth.
CLEAR Yellow Jello. mmmmm Lemon Jello!
And tasty CLEAR medicine to be discussed later.
DOCTOR'S ORDERS!! I'm on a clear liquid diet in preparation for tomorrow's cancer-killing surgery. I did this gig last June when I had my Targeted Biopsy and about starved to death.
CLEAR = no calories apparently. Unless you want to drink sugar. Sugar will add calories. In June, I drank a bunch of Gatorade to try to squelch the hunger pains. It really didn't work that much. And the nurses were shocked at the spike in my pre-op blood test's glucose levels.
So this time, NO SUGAR. Yes, on Halloween even.
A bit of research found that the clear food (I use the word "food" very loosely) with the highest caloric content per ounce was the yummy Strawberry CLEAR Protein Drink at 90 calories per 16.9 ounce bottle. So I bought a bunch of it. I don't want to starve.
If I were to drink everything in this picture, I would consume just over 2000 calories, a normal day. But to do so, I would have to drink 468 ounces of CLEAR liquid. Folks, I did the math. That is 3.65625 gallons. I can not do that even in my wildest of starvation fits.
Plus, none of that stuff is healthy enough for my stomach to keep that much down. It is already complaining.
So today, I starve. And tomorrow I kill cancer.
BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL! I scanned in close so you could see these cool babies, a MANDATORY part of my diet.
Yes!! Magnesium Citrate! And bonus! It's Pleasing Lemony Flavor and Pleasing Cherry Flavor are just like the Lemon Jello and Strawberry CLEAR protein drink! YUM!
"Magnesium Citrate?" you ask. "It sounds like a chemical..."
Indeed it is. A medical concoction (OK, chemical) that will make you poop. A lot. It is intended to clean out your bowels real good. You know, the doctor wants very CLEAR pictures of my prostate taken via "real-time" ultrasounds from my bowels. No little anythings in the way, if you get my drift.
So, while the cute neighbor kids come to our door begging for sugar, I'll be on the throne Keeping My Bowels Open (all decent Scouters will know why I capitalized those four words). For hours.
So here's CHEERS to a couple of Magnesium Citrates and CLEAR bowels!
No worries. The day I was diagnosed, we tried to eat ourselves to death via Fried Chicken, Mac n Cheese, and Cold Stone Ice Cream. Tomorrow I have my order in for the same gig. Fried Chicken. Lots of it. Mac n Cheese. mmmmm. And Ice Cream. Plus left over candy.
We will be celebrating the DEATH OF CANCER!!!
And besides, I'll have a ton of calories to catch up on, plus my bowels will need something to do.
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